Instead of a year end review this year I’d like to share my journey of passion with all of you.
I love looking back at what I create over a span of time so have no fear you’ll still get to see my favs but this year let’s do something a little different and concentrate on the journey, the process and walking your path.
When I began 2019 I had decided I was going to learn how to shoot more models, maybe some fashion and beauty. I was learning more and more retouching with a goal of one day having clients and this was the “path” I thought would be skipping down. So I started to reach out to aspiring models, practicing shooting and retouching, lighting and changing my game. And it was fun and I started to like the images but I didn’t have any ideas. Like there were zero ideas coming to me on what I wanted to shoot, how I would shoot it and how to grow. So naturally I began to get frustrated with myself and slowly I found I wasn’t shooting which meant I was retouching which meant I was doing nothing. And this went on for a couple of month. Literally I barely shot in 2 full months.
Now maybe in the grand scheme of things this isn’t a very long time but for someone like me, who craves the creative process it felt like an eternity so why didn’t I just go out and pick up my camera and shoot something? Well passion and inspiration were not within me. I had none of it coursing through my veins and I felt empty. Before all else I am a creative. I love when an idea comes into my mind, when I can see it so clearly, envisioning the site, the angle, lights and mood. A color or perspective and I had none of that inside of me and quite frankly it made me sad.
So what does one do when you’re creatively drained of ideas with no where to turn? Thankfully my answer was turn to a friend who “sat me down” if you will and encouraged me to shoot the weird creepy stuff I do so well. It was a simple conversation that would change my entire outlook and I was not prepared for it. So here’s what happened. Back in April I went to Iceland with a group of crazies and we ate, we hiked, we traveled, we laughed and we shot. We had models and landscapes and fun. And I, because this is me we’re talking about, had brought rabbit masks. So the entire trip they traveled with us but never really felt the urge to be used. Until this 1 very incredible day where the people I wanted to photograph both wore all black and we turned up at the black sand beach in Vik. It was as if all roads pointed to black that day and it called to me. Here is where we’d take just 5 minutes and shoot 2 friends in black masks surrounded by darkness and beauty.
And that’s what we did and it was fun and quick and done. So imagine my surprise now in May, on the phone with that friend, when he says you should explore that weird creepy side more, you do it so well. My response was laughter because to me it wasn’t art it was just being playful, being silly and something I never thought would become my absolute everything.
When I got off of that call I was sad, I actually didn’t want to be different. I have always been different and to be different in my art was hard to grasp but somewhere inside of me I knew, knew that those words were so true and I needed to hear them. So even though I wanted so much to disagree I didn’t, I began to jot down ideas, dozens of ideas, ideas that up until that moment I hadn’t even had. In my conversation I had opened up the ability to receive and ideas began to flow to me.
I started to shoot, I started to enjoy, I started down my new path. I was overwhelmed with how much passion I began to have, so not just ideas and shooting but a building desire to do more, to be more, to push my own boundaries more and so I have. For the remainder of 2019 I have began what I now see as my true journey. I shoot dark art photography and I love every single minute of it.
I fail in my ideas often and many photos you see are not what I meant them to be but that is okay. That is what helps me grow and that passion and growth is exactly where I am meant to be.
So are you stuck? Are you stagnant? Are you doing what you really should be doing? Ask yourself, prod your heart, make small steps in any one direction and then in another until you find that desire.
Here is my 2019:
2019 Travel Summary:
- Austin, TX
- Las Vegas, NV
- Dubai, UAE
- Reykjavik, Iceland
- New York City, NY
- Los Angeles, CA
Bring on 2020!